How many times have you heard someone say “Holy hell!  It’s so hot I’m sweating my ass off!”?

I was counting on this.

In fact, this particular statement was the only thing that made me happy about spending some of the warmer months in Las Vegas.

I thought for sure I would sweat my ass off.

Yesterday it was 110 degrees and today is 107.    I’m sweating like I’ve never sweated before.

My makeup is pooling at chin level, but my ass is still there.

I keep checking.

I checked as I walked through the garden center at Lowes with sweat pouring into my eyes.

I thought for sure I’d be walking right out of my granny panties.

Nope.

Big ass.

Still there.

I checked as I walked outside to smoke a cigarette.

My glasses slipped down my face( apparently, you can sweat your nose off) but my ass stayed put.

At one point while taking laundry out of the outside machines, I turned to check again.   I looked over my shoulder and………It had happened!

My ass was gone!  I’d finally sweated it off!

Imagine my disappointment when I wiped my sweaty eyes on the towel I’d just removed from the dryer, and my ass reappeared.

You can sweat until you’re blind, but you can’t sweat your ass off.

I’d bet the people making that statement never had an ass, to begin with.

So where does that leave me?

I’m hot, sweaty, grumpy and still sporting this giant butt.

I guess it’s back to salads and no more donuts.

But……wait….

I wonder if the statement “I’m freezing my ass off” is true?

I think I’ll head back east in January and check that out.

Salads can wait.

Stay tuned….