It is a tough season. A winter as dreary as I can ever remember and Christmas time, with it’s hustle bustle stress. I’m not feeling very festive this year.
I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. For many years I just knew I got depressed in the winter and felt better in the spring. I didn’t know the thing had a name. In fact, I’ve never been one to belong to the disorder of the month club but finally had to admit that this is probably a real thing.
I’m a positive person at heart so feeling less than positive is both difficult and scary. My creative self is taking a long nap. I can’t seem to write anything that makes sense ( some would say I never do….) , my drawing and doodling ends up in the garbage. I’m short tempered, agitated and moody at work. I’m sure my picture is up on someone’s wall being used as a dartboard.
I take medication, vitamin D and I use a nifty little light that blinds me if I look directly at it. Of course, I can’t seem to stop looking at the damn thing. I’m like a 5 year old, tell me I’m not supposed to do it and chances are I can’t help doing it.
The deep rooted positive part of me knows that in less than 4 months the sun will come out again. Yes, that would be April. We live in upstate New York where winter seems to last from October through April. So I sing a paraphrase of “Tomorrow” from Annie on a daily basis. “The sun will come out…….IN APRIL, bet your bottom dollar there will be sun IN APRIL”
I’m counting the days until April ( 99) and counting the years until retirement ( 4 ) and a move to anyplace that has sunshine more than 5 months of the year.
Sing with me……The sun will come out……….IN APRIL . I’m positive of that.