It is a tough season.    A winter as dreary as I can ever remember and Christmas time, with it’s hustle bustle stress.   I’m not feeling very festive this year.

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.    For many years I just knew I got depressed in the winter and felt better in the spring.  I didn’t know the thing had a name.   In fact, I’ve never been one to belong to the disorder of the month club but finally had to admit that this is probably a real thing.

I’m a positive person at heart so feeling less than positive is both difficult and scary.    My creative self is taking a long nap.  I can’t seem to write anything that makes sense ( some would say I never do….) , my drawing and doodling ends up in the garbage.   I’m short tempered, agitated and moody at work.    I’m sure my picture is up on someone’s wall being used as a dartboard.

I take medication, vitamin D and I use a nifty little light that blinds me if I look directly at it.   Of course, I can’t seem to stop looking at the damn thing.   I’m like a 5 year old, tell me I’m not supposed to do it and chances are I can’t help doing it.

The deep rooted positive part of me knows that in less than 4 months the sun will come out again. Yes, that would be April.  We live in upstate New York where winter seems to last from October through April.     So I sing a paraphrase of “Tomorrow” from Annie on a daily basis.  “The sun will come out…….IN APRIL, bet your bottom dollar there will be sun IN APRIL”

I’m counting the days until April ( 99)  and counting the years until retirement ( 4 )  and a move to anyplace that has sunshine more than 5 months of the year.

Sing with me……The sun will come out……….IN APRIL .   I’m positive of that.