I’m quite sure Shakespeare could never have imagined that out of context paraphrase when he wrote Hamlet.

However, when I was thinking about this post, that title kept running around on the hamster wheel of my mind.     So, my apologies to the purists and my caution that this post is about breasts.      If you are offended by breasts…..stop reading.

Part cautionary tale, part history, part humor the following is a true story as told to me by a good friend.

As a young girl growing up in the late 1960’s early 1970’s she watched as all of her friends matured and bought bras.   She waited for her turn to bra shop.    Much later than her friends, she finally bought one but it would have served her better as ear muffs.

There was a need for ear muffs.

Shallow as it may seem, being flat chested  still bothered her more than anything in her 20’s.

Early in her 30’s she and her family moved from the heartland of America to an alternate universe.

Southern California.

Here, the young woman was surrounded by the plastic fantastic.

The magazines were filled with glossy ads for plastic surgeons showing beautiful bikini clad women with barely bikini clad very large breasts.    It seemed to my friend that the beaches, the pools, and even the malls were filled with these women.

This did nothing for her self esteem so she decided to go buy what she could not grow. (Note to self stop at store for corn, tomatoes and green beans)

She made an appointment with one of those glossy ad plastic surgeons and within two weeks had silicone breast implants added to her 100 lb body.

Can you say top heavy?

Over the ensuing years everything evened out and her hips matched her chest.   The years flew by fairly uneventfully for the implants.   Most of the time my friend forgot she even had them.

For the last few years she has known the clock is ticking.

Nothing lasts forever and definitely not 30 year old plastic bags filled with silicone.

After a recent mammogram she was informed that one of those ziplocks is ruptured and leaking.

This means she has a decision to make.

To boob or not to boob.

She tells me that she now knows that boobs aren’t all they are cracked up to be.   That the self esteem she was searching for didn’t come in two plastic bags.

She has a family history of breast cancer and has been told she is at high risk.    She knows that breast implants make it more difficult to see issues on a mammogram.

She knows many things now she didn’t then.

The first thing she is going to do is find a reputable plastic surgeon that doesn’t advertise in a glossy magazine using pole dancing models.

She is going to research and then make a decision on whether to replace or remove ( I sound like I’m talking about storm windows…..).

She wonders if she would have listened had someone wiser said to her :   You will get old. Things don’t stay where they are put and those aren’t made of stainless steel.

She doubts she would have heard them.   Wisdom comes with age, experience and leaky plastic bags.

Even so, she’d like to say to the younger women contemplating this choice:   YOU WILL GET OLD, things don’t stay where they are put and those aren’t made of stainless steel.   Think long and hard about your reasons and get all the facts before you make a decision.

This time, that is what she is going to do.   Get the facts, weigh her options and make an informed decision.

Then she’ll decide what to do with those two drawers full of ear muffs.