Do you know anyone who talks like this?

Hello!mynameisfasttalkerandIdon’tbreathe!

or like this?

HI! CAN YOU HEAR ME?

or hardest of all for me:

HELLOMYNAMEISFASTANDLOUDTALKERCANYOUHEARME?

The fast and loud talker.

The FALker.

(The word Falker according to the Urban Dictionary can also stand for a Facebook Stalker but that isn’t what we’re talking about today.   That is a post for another day because I bet there are FALking Falkers out there too.)

This FALker can be yelling  8 inches away from my face but even that close and loud I can’t understand a damn thing because there is no white space between the words.

CANYOUPASSTHESUGARSALTANDMUSTARDPLEASE?

I bet these  FALkers go without a lot of things because people are busy putting in ear plugs and looking up what they thought was one word in a foreign language on google translator.

A FALker always make me feel like I’m suffocating.   I want to breathe FOR them.

Sometimes I stare at their chest to see if they are breathing at all  ( you know, in case of vampires….vampires don’t breathe …).

I haven’t met a FALking vampire yet thank goodness, but I do know several FALkers.

They can be heard from 50 yards away and sound like the roar of a freight train.

A FALking freight train.

When I know a FALker is headed my way, I hide ( you know, just in case of the vampire thing again but also because they make my ears hurt and I can’t breathe).

I’m not emotionally equipped to deal with those FALkers.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a pair  of headphones that translate fast and loud speech into normal speech?

FALking headphones.

The number of FALkers in the world is growing so I think anything that helps people deal with these FALkers would be a best seller.

In the meantime, I’m practicing saying “FALk  Off!”   for the next time I run into one of those FALkers.

Because I’m FALking finished.