The call started well enough.

“Tank you for calling Cheese Bank Coostemer Serbits.”

Ok, not really great but I knew who I was calling.

Chase Bank.

Whose customer service obviously isn’t in the heartland of America.

I carefully explained what I needed to accomplish.

“I need to detach my personal accounts from the mailed statement on account #XXXX being sent to my sister for the joint account we are both on ( my mothers).   Chase has been sending a statement showing all of the accounts.”

I was asked to provide enough information to prove who I was.

No problem.

I gave my social security number, debit card number, address, phone number, date of birth, shoe size and what time I normally go to bed.

“Please enter your peen followed by the poundzine”

Ok, I think I’m supposed to enter my pin followed by the pound sign.

Done.

“Let me zee.  You wanna hide your account, is correct?”

“No, I want to make sure my personal accounts do not show up on the statement you are mailing on account #XXXX to my sister’s address.   There should be only one account showing on that statement.”

“Ok, I will help you hide your account, hold please”

Insert hold music.

Five minutes later, she returns and tells me that she has hidden my mothers checking account from my online viewing.

Cheese-it! NOT WHAT I ASKED.

I repeat my request.  Slowly.

“I cannot do what you request.  You will need to a conference call with your zister.”( Not a typo there.   “You will need to a” )

In my head, I’m using words that would probably be understood in any language.

I tell the lovely coostemer serbits rep to forget it, not to make any changes, I’ll make a trip to the bank.

“Tank you for calling Cheese Bank. I’m happy to help you.  Is der anytin else we can do for you today?”

Nope, but thanks so much for the half hour of frustration.

I went to the bank today where a nice gentleman helped me accomplish my task in less than 10 minutes.   He also gave me a tip on calling coostemer serbits.  Always ask for a supervisor because those calls get routed back to the United States where they all work for CHASE Bank, not Cheese.

Ahhhh.   Cheese-us why didn’t I think of that?