WTF? 17 Surprises my body has in store for me at 50?

Memory

Reading Facebook and up pops this nifty little Purple Clover post.

Just in case you missed it, let me list them for you because I’m sure you need to know this.  Apparently, I’ve had all of these for 10 years.

I’ve added my commentary, of course.

17 Surprises Your Body Has in Store for you Post 50.

1.  Food will taste different.

Apparently our nose gets old.   My answer?  Eat more donuts.  Maybe by the third one I’ll be able to taste them.

2.  Your cravings will change.

Shifting hormones?  No shit.   I’m not so worried about replacing chocolate with potato chips.  I’m more worried about my shifting hormones causing me to crave running over people in my car.

3.  Your sweat won’t smell the same.

Great, now I stink.  Fucking hormones.

4.  Getting out of bed will be more difficult

Probably because I’m depressed about my old nose and out of whack hormones, not to mention the fact that I stink.

5.  Your legs won’t keep up with your will ( or need) for speed.

In my case?  They never have.  Freakishly short legs.

6.  Coming back from an injury will take longer.

No chance of getting hurt if I’m laying in bed depressed and smelly.

7.  Opening that jar or stuck window will take more oomph.

What the fuck is an oomph?  Can you rent one?  I’ll just buy one.

8.  You’ll need to shorten your pant length.

Our legs get shorter?   Great.  Just call me stumpy.

9.  Mysterious aches will appear and annoy.

Oh a mystery!   Lets call the oomph.  I bet he/she/it could solve that.

10.  When you’ve got to go , you’ve got to go.

Well yes, of course you do.   Isn’t that the whole point?

11.  Or you won’t be able to do your business when you need to

Great.  Now the smelly part makes sense.

12.  You’ll bruise more easily

Bonus.  Built in Halloween costume.

13.  Your nails and skin will start to look like a special effects team is playing a joke on you.

Double bonus, Halloween all year long.   Candy!

14. Cavities will start to be a concern again

I’m starting to see a pattern here….

15.  Waistline control becomes a 24/7 job

Hormones again?  Screw it.  Have a donut, you can’t taste it anyway so pretend it is celery.

16. Your brain won’t work as quickly

Huh?  What?  Who?

17. Your sex life will be different

Thank Goodness!  But wait……..we’re stinky, fat and achy…..how much fun is that going to be?

Shit.

In case you care and want to read the real Purple Clover post here is the link:

http://www.purpleclover.com/health/1706-17-surprises-your-body-has-store-you-post-50

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