You might remember the whole eyebrow incident from a few weeks ago.  You can read about it here but after a rather aggressive waxing experience, I was left with a permanently surprised look.

While trying to allow those eyebrows to grow back in, I’ve been attempting to ignore the little stray baby hairs here and there and being very careful about what I tweeze.  Ignoring doesn’t take real effort because I don’t see very well without my glasses so I always miss some anyway.

Yesterday, I ran to the drug store to pick something up, and as I headed to the checkout, I passed by a display of 12x magnifying tweezing mirrors.

I backed up, grabbed one from the display and held it up to my face.   What I saw caused me to gasp in shock and exclaim, a little too loudly, “Oh holy hell!” , right there in the middle of the aisle at Rite Aid.

There, growing in the middle of my brows at the top of my nose, was a mutant eyebrow hair.   When I say mutant I mean……really…..mutant.   Remember Audrey II, the man-eating plant from Little Shop of Horrors? I’m calling this eyebrow hair Audrey III because had I not found it, it would have ended up eating me while I slept.

As I felt it was a kill or be killed moment, I quickly checked the display for tweezers. Dammit! No tweezers!  I put on my sunglasses to hide Audrey III and headed to the checkout.  (Note to Rite Aid: A display of TWEEZING Mirrors should probably include tweezers. You know, marketing strategy and all that jazz.)

As I was waiting in the checkout line, I could feel Audrey III, and I know I heard her say “FEED ME!” when she peeked over the nose piece of my sunglasses and got a look at the cashier guy.

I got my bag and raced to the car where I pulled out the mirror to look again. Yep, there she was. She’d grown in the five minutes since I’d first seen her and now she was laughing at me.

I knew I had to get home. I drove as fast as I could but couldn’t help checking the visor mirror to make sure Audrey III wasn’t boring a hole in my skull.   As I pulled into the garage, I saw the weed whacker in the corner. If we hadn’t drained the gas for the winter I might have seriously considered using it.

The closest tweezers are located right inside the door.   At the time, it didn’t matter that they are the ones we use to pull ticks off the dogs.  I grabbed them, held up that mirror and with Audrey III waving and laughing I grabbed her and pulled. She pulled back but I won the tug of war and finally, she gave up and died.

I disposed of her in the kitchen garbage.   Just to be safe, I tied the bag and took her out to the exterior trash can.

I’ve decided to go back to the aggressive eyebrow waxer.   I’d rather have a perpetually surprised look than be eaten alive.

I’m also keeping this new mirror and a tweezer in my purse.  Just in case Audrey III left behind some children that the wax doesn’t kill. You can’t be too careful.