As we prepare to put 2016 to bed and to welcome in the new year, I thought I’d jot down my top ten wishes for 2017.

As with most things that come from my rambling brain, some of these are tongue-in-cheek sarcasm.  I present them here in descending order of importance, but as I kept changing the order, I guess how I feel will depend on which side of the bed I fall out of on any given day.

Here we go….

Number Ten

I want the sandwich smashers at Panera Bread to get rotated to the bakery where they will spend their days like elves in a hollow tree, happily rolling out flat sheets of cookie dough rather than smashing the hell out of my sandwich every damn day.

Number Nine

I wish for the cashiers in every store to smile and say “thank you!” instead of either “there you go” or nothing at all as they give me that vacant-eyed stare, waiting for me to thank them for the privilege of buying something in their store.

Number Eight ( a two parter)

1. Please, dear universe let my 2017 Facebook feed never include another thing about the Kardashians or Kanye unless it is to tell me they have moved to a country that imposes a total “news” blackout.
2.  That internet trolls who hide behind their keyboard spreading nastiness and lies will move back under the bridge from whence they came and be eaten by the biggest billy goat ( oh and that people will fact check before they share).

Number Seven

I wish for the clothing manufacturers to standardize sizes. I want them to make a real size 10, not a size 8 or a size 12 masquerading as a 10. Dear Diet Deity,  I want my rear end to fit in a real size 10 ( or a 6 because I do believe in miracles, see # 6 below)

Number Six

I wish someone would discover a donut flavored carrot with ZERO
Weight Watchers points.

Number Five

If Apple brings out the iPhone 8, I hope it fixes all the problems with the iPhone 7 and Apple is so sorry they screwed up the 7 that they offer the 8 at a fabulous low price.  Magic 8 Ball Siri says “highly unlikely, but maybe, possibly, ah probably not but I’d rather not say” because she is designed to frustrate the hell out of us by giving vague answers to every question.

Number Four

I hope that sometime in 2017 the Basement Fairy shows up at my house while I’m on vacation and organizes a huge garage sale, ensuring I  come home to a pile of money and a clean basement. I really hope the basement fairy isn’t a pair of guys in masks who leave me monopoly money.

Number Three

I pray the “in Memorium” portion of the 2018 awards shows will be short because there were so few gifted and talented artists lost in 2017.  I think 2016 used up the quota for the next many years.   I hope Betty White lives to be 150 years old and works right up until the day she decides to move on.

Number Two

It is my sincere hope that the left, right and middle stop sniping at each other about every damn thing and just do the work to make it better. I want them all to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around because, after all,  that’s what it’s all about. To do my part, I’m prepared to put my right foot in, put my left foot out and to stop shaking my middle finger about. (This hope does feel a little like the impossible dream, but I won’t stop hoping or hokey pokey-ing).

and my Number One wish for 2017 is…

A healthy, happy, peaceful, and prosperous year for all.  I hope our world will hold a little more kindness and understanding. I hope we each do our daily part to make it so, that we greet each day with gratitude for what we have, help those who are less fortunate and we strive each day to be a better person than we were the day before.

Happy New Year.  Peace, love, and donut flavored carrots to all.