I think it’s Tuesday but can’t be sure without looking at the calendar.

The day began with one eye open and thoughts of coffee.   Since this is the way my days have started for so many years, I could almost forget that Day 36 of Lockdown would be the exact same day as the previous 35. I will spend the day staring at my iPad, checking Twitter on my phone, playing with the dogs, scooping the poo, getting annoyed at the humans. While I’ll think about doing something productive, I will ultimately decide that today is not that day.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

As the weather is warming up in Las Vegas, my usual sweat pants have been replaced by stretchy shorts with one unraveled hem.  Stretchy is good…more on that later.

I have inch long gray roots in my dyed red hair.   I have chewed off my fingernails like some crazed beaver. The pedicure I got six weeks ago is peeling and ugly.   I’ve forgotten how to put on makeup.   I think I showered yesterday but have discovered if you just use deodorant on the outside of your shirt, it’s good enough.

I had a Hostess ding-dong for breakfast, followed by a stack of Ritz crackers.   Lunch will probably be another ding-dong ( unless that Dave guy eats them all!) and anything else I can shove into my pie-hole.   Hence, the need for all things stretchy.

I am the freaking Queen of Quarantine.  The Princess of Poo.   The Countess of Corona.   A royal mess for sure.

I miss people.   Ok, not really, you know how I feel about people.    But I miss having the choice to say ” no people today!” instead of having it mandated.

I miss my kids and grandkids, who stare at me strangely on Facetime calls, wondering who the poorly dressed woman shoving Little Debbies into her mouth is.

Will there be an end to this?   The last shred of my sanity hopes so.   My stretchy shorts hope so, as they strain to hold in the effects of Cheetos and chocolate.

I keep reading that we are all doing the best we can.   I have lovely internet friends who are doing positive things every day.   There are heroes out there in the real world, making a difference.

Right now, the best I can do is get out the duct tape and tape the unraveled hem of my shorts to my leg.   Winning!

Stay tuned…if you dare…